In Full Bloom

For the first time in a long time...
I am not here to write about the 'silver lining', if you will, in our lives. Instead, I have genuinely good news; because since May began, life has taken a dramatic turn...for the better.

About a year ago, my son-who was at that point climbing up and down stairs by himself-eeek-and saying some words and things, and was pretty advanced in having gone from part EC/part cloth nappy to fully potty training himself at 18 months old. All of these great advancements happening after we made some huge changes in our diet and lifestyle. He was pretty impressive in a lot of ways, however challenging...
but suddenly, it was like..I don't even know. We had made these tremendous dietary changes and I had seen so many positive things happen for him just prior. He regressed...it happened so unusually slowly, too. He lost more and more words until he could no longer speak again, he wanted to be carried a lot in places where he had felt so confident walking, stairs? forget about 'em. Gradually he spent less and less time doing the things he loved too...and over the last month it had gotten so bad that he wanted to sit watching TV half of the day. I could not go to the toilet by myself through any of this or I would face screaming despite that my son grew to what he is now, a 2 years & 8 m/o boy who weighs 27 lbs...some days I would carry him on my hip, before my wonderful friend was so kind as to loan me her Ergo (which I can't seem to adjust tightly enough...IDK if I am doing it right...any ideas??) which although yes, is a bit heavy on the shoulders, is a great, in fact tremendous relief compared to how i was carrying him...and I love having him snuggled up against me and he loves it too.

Well anyway I had decided to eat differently the night before the Mayfaire because I just was feeling desperate and wanted to change, in any way. I gambled that I might feel worse because as it was I certainly wasn't feeling well enough to go-we had gotten worse and worse and worse-I should mention that I had been feeling really healthy at first, and then the last few months, my health has really taken a dive too especially mentally. Well then we woke up and after snuggling and giggling in bed a while we had enough energy to make it-even with a bloated belly and an aching head- and wow, am I glad. I didn't expect that O.O. would want to stay for long, given how sensitive he is-there was around 30,000 people crowded into our tiny town, come from all over Europe to follow the Obby Oss and relish in the abundance of the season.

Well oh well. Not only did O.O. have a great time-we stayed for over 3 hours! One of the drummers of the marching band let him play the drum whilst they waited for the Oss to make its way on another round through-which took quite a while-and he just loved this. It was so sweet and I loved that they were so nice to him because he has had such a really hard time with people not really understanding him and seems to always get left out. Not this time-he was the star and everyone thought he was so cool! Yeah!!!

We got some great video footage and I got to touch the Oss-which was a great thing, because this is supposedly an omen of good luck. I thought it was just a bit of fun but hey, everyone was having fun and I figured it couldn't hurt-positive energy is positive energy.

...but maybe it did bring good luck???...because what happened from thereout has just been uncanny...

Like a fog has lifted from us...

I realised that all along it has been almonds-yes-almonds-that have caused all of these problems for both me and my son. As if we didn't have enough NOT to eat, right? The realisation was incredible...and other things hit me too, like how dehydrated we have been and how much my sun allergy has been flaring lately (I really need to stay out of it, in short).

So what happened, rectifying these problems---we woke up from our second sleep (we are biphasal) and my son stood up in the shower. For the first time ever. For the first time too, he did not cry out when the water hit his head. He gave me kisses-on the mouth!-and was happy all afternoon. He did not "ask" for the TV to turn on even once.
The next day, even better. We woke up and as I nursed him I told him I loved him. As he sometimes hums words and phrases (he does understand language, he just really cannot speak more than a few words), he for the first time ever hummed "I love YOU" back to me. If you are the parent of a special needs child, you will understand how joyous, how unbelievably marvellous and wonderful and splendid and good and all things incredible this was. Together we set up our second sprouting jar with seeds, making a mini science experiment of it-he poured in the seeds and water with my help and just loved it and got a mess of silly seeds everywhere. He is so excited every time we go and check on them and he is really happy to see they have little tails grwing-I told him when they grow long enough we are gonna EAT them, YUM YUM YUM! and then we'll grow some more. :) I hope this fun project will encourage his tastebuds in a good direction.
Then...as well as just enjoying all sorts of fun things, like playing ball and drawing and cutting out shapes, he wanted to show me something in the hallway. O.K........
Suddenly, my son climbed the stairs. All by himself. :') He came back down, scooting on his bum....and for hours that day we played a silly ball game on the stairs, and climbed up and scooted down the stairs on our bums. Not the most comfortable of activities, but I was just so happy that my son was feeling confident and capable once more, and that he wanted to share that with me meant the world to me.
As if this weren't enough news, he has also learned to say "wa wa" to tell me that he wants water, and has said "O.O." when looking at pictures of himself!!! How GREAT is that??? Today, he went all the way down the stone stairs leading downtown-just holding a hand. I'm STUNNED-those stairs are not an easy climb, even for me!!!! Oh my life!!!

So my son is now kissing my face again-and LOTS, at that <3 , has expressed to me in his "words" that he loves me, can now climb LOTS of stairs, no longer hates showers, knows his initials and water, and is just enjoying life again. He is just blooming. Oh my life. I am feeling so much better too, my soul is smiling to be this way again. I have hoped for so long-the weight of relief is almost too much to bear! Ha ha. My entire self feels relief. In any manner, I am just bursting with love and gratitude.
....and I am certainly not planning on eating almonds any time soon.

A Lost Friend Made & Boy Scouts...

Well, oh well.

Life warrants a blog post now, because it has been so unusual and interesting...not that it's ever not, really, but it's been especially interesting lately. There have been bad and good bits, always.

Osrid Olov is really blooming in some special ways, though.

To start, we've been getting comfortable with him riding in the Ergo (carrier)-this is very big deal for us because we have had a very hard time trying to use wraps/carriers and ultimately I've been carrying on hip/in arms and trying to juggle and it's been really hard and painful, actually. The carrier was lent by a really wonderful friend and fellow HE'er who wanted to help and I cannot even tell her how grateful we are!! <3 it feels so good to be snuggly with my son and also NOT dying while I walk up the hills, because he is not exactly a baby anymore. Bless. But he still likes to walk a lot too, and that's OK! I've even made dinner a couple of times with him all wrapped up and snuggled into me. Sooo sweet. Love love love love love.

We've reached the "why?" phase-it's a new word fr him, since his speech regression-so I hear "why?" to so many things I say. I love it, actually!! I really do, because I feel very intent on figuring out the "why" to everything myself, and it is so wonderful and cool for that one word, because he is able to clue me in on what he is curious about. How awesome is that for me to discover?

We had a hard day a few days ago, because there was a really mean old guy who was following me around just to criticise my parenting and I let it get the better of me-I am so sensitive and I get so hurt. More than anything I find it really hard to try to explain to my son why people make the comments that they do to us. I hear things like "why are you letting that child run amock, he should be put on a leash!" and "how can you just let him walk beside you when you're on the sidewalk without carrying him" and "don't let him touch anything, he'll break things!" It SUCKS because no matter how lovingly I try to treat him, he is still going to be shot at all the time by people who tell him he can't be trusted just because he's young. and I think sometimes he holds back from doing things that he wants to because he is so sensitive and he takes all of that in. I build him up, all the time, in every way that I can; because to me that's just what comes natural: the world is a really rough place and everyone needs someone who loves them exactly as they are. I also really see the effects of that too, because he is so compassionate and gentle to other people. Today we had so much fun and even though he was really happy and running around doing things he kept coming back to me every couple of minutes to give me a hug and a kiss. I am so blessed, really. I shouldn't worry-but I do-part of being a mom I guess!

Oh, some very strange thing happened a couple of days ago, a stray dog started following O.O. and I while we were out walking. We walked for a long time and tried to tell her t go home because I thought she was a neighbourhood dog but she kept following us and eventually I realised she was lost; so I started petting her and she-I think a she, but I cannot tell yet because s/he was dreadlocked and matted all over so badly and muddy :( poor doggy! Well she was shaking and looked weak, not thin or starving but like she hadn't eaten for a couple of days maybe. She had a very old grungey collar but no tag at all. So I brought her home and we gave her some water and meat and lent her one of our blankets and the shed-because we obvs neede to make sure she wasn't carrying disease if to bring her inside, since O.O. and all..well anyway Paul put up signs and nobody called or came to get her, we could not get ahold of RSPCA or dog warden, and we ended up bringing the bloody dog inside because she was fucking cute and pulling at our heart strings. We just blocked off the corridor so that she could chillax in there without O.O. touching her matted fur, since it was really yucky and we don't have any big scissors or shears. She seemed wounded on her belly too. Well the dog warden came yesterday and took her , because they want to clean her up and make sure she is OK and also make sure that her owner doesn't come for her. If the owner does not claim her in 7 days then they *would* be releasing her shortly thereafter to the pound-and from there, I honestly don't know uif she would be adopted because she is old. :( So the dog warden said the alternative is that we can have her back, and so that's what is going to happen if her owner does not come. After all if it were a homeless person that we found and their relatives didn't pick them up from the hospital after a week they would go to prison and maybe get executed, we would obviously save them---it is no different for an animal, because they are people too, darn it.. It is a real pain because our house is WAY too small for a dog and we can't afford it and this and that, but, like I said...there's just no question...and besides, we have all kinda fallen for the old lug. S/he is so sweet and fuzzy. And stinky. but sweet.

So yesterday O.O. had the most wonderful day; for some reason when we went downtown the stores were closed ?? and I had woken up with Paul's cold-the first I've gotten in who-knows-when-but I wanted to give O some fun so I took him to the park for a few. We're only gonna stay a few minutes, coz I'm tired...but then all these boy scouts rushed in! And I thought we were gonna be overwhelmed and unhappy, and it was a little scary when they first showed up but then a very nice boy made us his friends right away-he must have been around 7-8? -he was so cute, with a freckly face and big glasses and he had so may things to say about so many things and he just love O.O., it made me so happy. Then there were boys playing football and Osrid Olov was following them about, interested in the ball. Then one of the older boys noticed this and passed the ball to him so that he could play too!! How cool is that!! I joined in as well and we ran around being all fun and silly. He had SO much fun and I could tell he felt really special. I just love that so much. At one point he got a bit overexcited by a couple of the boys playing on this swingaround see-saw thing? Hard to explain-and he ran right over, fr some reason, wh knows why, ran right into the middle of the boy spinning around and fell. He had a big owwy, bless him, and the 2 boys stopped and were soo sorry and rushed over to see if he was OK. Bless. The nice freckly big eyed boy was still with us and he said "I think it was an accident" and I said "it was nobodys' fault, I think my little one just got a bit too excited by all the fun" and he said "Ohh. I know what that is like fella, it used to happen to me when I was a kid to." :))) I wish that kid's mum had been there so that I could have gotten them together again or something...is that weird? I don't know. They were just sooo sweet having fun together!!
When the scouts left O.O. tried to follow them-the scout "base" is very close to the playground and he tried to follow them. I knelt down to stop him and say we can't go there, only members can..and I told him that if he wanted to join them when he is old enough that we will do whatever he needs to make that happen. He just hugged me and cried softly for a few minutes, bless his sweet little heart, and then took my hand to pull me towards home.

So now I feel like someone lodged a golfball in my nose and stacked a load of bricks on top of me, and I think O.O. isn't feelin' too hot either, we're just kinda doing the whole lazy thang because I totally wore out whatever energy I didn't even have in me to have fun-but I really have not had so much fun in a long time. I was able to just think about O.O. and what we were doing and it was so cool. I love having a kid so much because I get to do all the fun stuff that kids do without people thinking I'm some sort of weirdo. Or maybe I am actually lulling myself into a false sense of security, and people really d think I am a complete weirdo. Actually I'm pretty certain that is the case, because I'm the only adult that I ever see monkeying around through the ropes and tubes, and people don't really pay me much mind except to say very strange things to me...but whatever. I have a best friend who is small and funny and hugs me and kisses my face and naps with me and is just really the person who I care about making happy the most, because I know how very lucky it is to love such a person.

Ergh. Spring..

Two and a half...
2 1/2...
2.5...
Two.
and.
a.
half...
PLUS
a month...

ALREADY!

Last night-as I often do-I lay awake, adorning my fondest friend, most precious creation, handsomest aquaintance, the strongest predilection I have ever known with a loving gaze, it struck me that my son is only five months away from being three years old. It feels like it is going so quickly and it kind of scares me, because I am desperate to pause it all. I don't want much of anything in the world to move. Time, an imaginary manmade concept to which I am blind, petrifies me. It is not that I do not believe I will enjoy my son as an adult, because I know without any shadow of a doubt that I will. It is simply that I love him so much as he is right now. I love to nurse him. I love that his little body somehow keeps me warm at night while we sleep. I love the single lengthy, tightly wound curl that grows at the back of his wispy strawberry hairs. I love that we fit into the bathtub together and I love putting the socks on his feet. I love the little dimple-dent creases that are always on his legs, even with how slender he is. I love how excited it makes him to have his favouritest-ever shirt clean & dry. I love scooping him up to bring him up the stairs at night and I just love being needed and wanted so much and I love him so much just the way that he is. I wonder sometimes if I am the only silly person whose heart breaks as often as it does shine, because of how severely they love.

Osrid Olov has met his grandfather-my father-for the very first time! Of course, right before my Dad got here, irony of ironies...he began to really start to cut his..-dun-dun-dun, MOLARS. Yowch. It was a bittersweet time in that sense, because O.O. was having a really hard time and staying up so late that I got only but few hours with Dad in the days he was here. We went for some long drives, and had some much needed, soul-feeding talks though and on Paul's birthday we went to Looe for the first time since we moved. We took a long walk around and then got Sam & James to come over with their beautiful little girl to Paul's folks house too to celebrate and O.O. and her got along really well which was incredibly cool, especially because he doesn't really interact with other kids at all. Both of them got very upset when all of the cake was eaten, though. Understandably...I do make a pretty good cake ;) It was very hard to see my Dad go, as I had not seen him in 4 years, but that evening he just started having such a hard time anyway and it showed me how much he needed my full attention.
                              

O.O. has regressed in his speech development. Paul believes it might be related to dentition(molars). I am not entirely sure, but it is sad to me that he struggles so much with verbal communication-he is back to only saying a few words now. He is getting better and better with nonverbal communication though; and is starting to draw recognisable pictures. I can see faces in his drawings, even, which is incredible to me. I asked whose face one was and he said it was Daddy, which was so very sweet! He is also making a lot of different humming noises and gestures to indicate different things when he needs them. It is a language all in its own and the more I memorise, the easier things do get...

Though, some things have been very very hard recently. The teething pain is driving him very crazy, I think-he doesn't quite seem himself the last couple of days. Recently, he developed a new allergy, on a more serious note-it came on so unbelievably quick. It happened as out-of-the-blue as him, and then eventually me, becoming allergic to capsaicin/chillies. He reacted twice in a row, very very severely, to things with cocoa in them. Not chocolate. Please, anything but that! Sigh. Oddly, I reacted too, but in a much smaller way (my atopic exema flaring, tiredness)-his was shortness of breath, a humongous bright red rash through the entire body with bumps and crying, shivering/fever. Both times. It is so sad that this is happening, especially since I have been working so hard to heal our guts and avoid environmental toxins, ect etera. It makes me scared of what other things could develop. I hate living life without being able to eat at restaurants or grab things at stores I'm unfamiliar with, ect. But this is what it costs to be well. There is no other choice.

It is finally spring weather here in Padstow. Which is disgusting and I wish it would go back to being winter. I do not like the sun, or outdoor warmth, or any such hoopajoo. That is all.
                         

Sleepy Bus

It's July already and I'm terrible at keeping up my blog.

I've been keeping busy, having had much to do with an application involving my immigration that has taken up a lot more time than I had expected. It's caused a lot of stress but I'm trying to breathe. Paul has had great news, he's been promoted already to the Customer Service desk which is a contracted permanent position, and in the Union to boot. No payraise yet, unfortunately, but it does imply some degree of stability which we've been looking for a long time. I am so proud of him!

We've been on more adventures lately-the little one had grown a lot and was in desperate need for new shoes, so we headed to Bodmin to meet his Nana who helped him with that-he also got a new outfit from the charity shops because he'd gotten soaked with rain. We also headed to the pond to see the ducks, and O.O. had a laugh running in circles in the health food shoppe. 

This week saw us travelling to Newquay-no good reason other than to get a break in scenery for Paul's day off. The cliffs and beaches are so beautiful that I was ashamed that my camera had ran out of battery. I didn't feel very well as my fibromyalgia decided to flare randomly, and Ozzy slept through both bus rides, but it was still beautiful and we've got some good ideas for future outings. 

We've had such a lovely break in the weather the past couple of days with some sunshine-I have been enjoying it as much as I can, taking Ozzy to the park and playing ball in our teeny backyard. O.O. has such a wonderfully silly sense of humour and giggles when the ball hits his head. 

Little spiders have made cobwebs all over the laundry that I hung up, what, two months ago? I love them and their little webs so much that I've not dared to take the washing in. They can borrow my linens, for now!

YEAH.

Every time you think you get used to being a parent-you realise how you truly aren't! New things happen all of the time. It is wonderful.

Just a week or two ago, Osrid Olov decided it was time to learn to climb the stairs- and climb he did! All the way up, with no help (but very closely supervised of course) from us. Now it's one of his favourite pastimes and wants to climb them all the time. Up and down! Utterly exhausting but what isn't worth these sweet smiles. I'm getting a great leg workout, too.

O.O. has also been saying the word "yeah" ALL the time-he's been saying it for more than a year now but so much lately. An affirming time, perhaps?

Another new thing for O.O. is drinking water. He has had a sip here and there, but on Pauls' birthday(27 Mar), after nursing (in a sling on the bus, woo!) he decided he was very thirsty and grabbed our bottle of water and drank about half of it down! He's been drinking lots of water since, which means we've had to be extra vigilant, since as I'm sure you can imagine he goes toilet that much more! He has also tasted a couple of things, nothing more than a taste but he is surely getting there in his own time.

I was very proud yesterday, which was my 24th birthday. Due to being threatened by our neighbours (ick, right!) we spent a bulk of the day giving a statement to the police. That wasn't very fun, but the policewoman said that O.O. was the most well behaved kid she's ever seen. We really put no emphasis on him to be well behaved, and I wonder if that's why because we hear that quite a lot. It's just so nice when people can see that your baby is happy. :)

Climbing Up Stairs & Salty Sea Air

Catching a ride with Daddy (outside of the school he won't be going to :))
The month is March and the sun is shining ever so much lately-the weather seems to have changed so suddenly from never-ending rain to bright and breezy. Being allergic to the sun always makes this time of year hard for me, but I've got my trusty parasol so I can still take the munchkin on long walks. Like his Mama, he goes a bit crazy when he isn't taken outside to play! We've got to get that lovely fresh air, you see.

O.O. has made another astounding discovery-he can now climb up the stairs! A bit worrying to see one's child doing this for the first time, but of course I watch very closely with my arms open just in case! Now we've really got to do the stairs-they still haven't been carpeted and we've lived here nearly half a year already! Shame on us!

Today called for the three of us to take a leisurely long walk to town-very worth it to smell the fresh salty air. Not exactly sure why, but I sure do love the smell of the ocean and the way the air feels! Paul has found a fantastic shortcut, which really isn't very short at all, but the forest path is breathtaking. I'm sure worn out and I'll bet I'll be having a fibro flare tomorrow, but I'd rather make memories and wear myself ragged than not live!



Having a giggle with Mama

Solids?

I have been recently getting worried for Osrid Olov, for largely no reason...he is 13 months old as of tomorrow and does not have ANY interest in solid foods whatsoever! He is exclusively breastfed.

We follow child-led solids, which is now even recommended by most health professionals around the world as children being spoon fed prematurely can lead to digestive troubles, eating disorders, food allergies and several other health issues. However; mostly they recommend that a child will start to eat of their own accord around 6 months. Osrid is far past this! I took him to a doctor (even though I am usually not into western medicine) at 8 1/2 months for some oral pains he was suffering, and she was not concerned that he had not started solid foods-it is apparently very common for breastfed babes. I still thought; maybe there is something I should be worried about.

I feel reassured now; because I have talked to some Mum friends of mine who have had children not start eating until around 2, 3 years old, and one mother even told me that her son did not eat a bite of food until he was 5 1/2 years old! She told me that her doctor said he would be perfectly fine if he did not eat even into adulthood, because he was growing and developing perfectly well otherwise.

...Well, I can say the same for O.O.! He is very healthy, very happy, he weighs over 20 lbs, is a powerhouse of energy. So all I need to do really is just continue what we are doing: engaging him in meal times, offering him mini meals (a bite sized amount or two) that are the same as our own ect (I offered him, for instance, some dates yesterday and some organic rye bread today-both of which he threw on the floor!)...and he will eat, when he is ready! If he is not eating, his digestive system is probably unprepared for solid food. I do not want to give him food allergies, bowel disorders, immune system failures and who knows what else by pushing, pressuring or forcing him to eat. I trust that he knows his body and what it needs, and until the time comes, I am providing him with EVERYTHING that he needs (and hey, he's keeping me healthy too for "extended" breastfeeding wards off cancer and other disease). He is healthy as a horse, the only illness he has ever had was a very minor bout of dhiarrhoea (knock on wood) and he recovered quickly.

What I need to do though; is wear a thick skin-the criticism of others is already starting, and it will get much worse as he is older (if he does not wean that is). I need to shrug it off-I'm doing what's best for my little guy by meeting HIS needs, whatever they may be :)

On a side note I am so proud of him; he blew air for the first time yesterday. The reason this is important is because he has been trying for a very long time but keeps trying through closed lips and makes very funny sounds :) For some reason, he finds it very funny when we blow at his face, cracks up into giggles (maybe it tickles him?) and he can finally do it back.

He is walking like a champ too, and runs very well, but still isn't seeming to want to walk outside-but, it will come.

He is such a very good boy, we get so many compliments for what a sweet young man he is. I am soooo lucky for he rarely ever gets upset in public (when he does get in the slightest way upset though, I pick him up and take him home...no need to let it elevate to tantrums when I have all the time in the world to go back when he's feeling better and do other things), smiles sweetly at others, and is just such an angel. I am such a proud mother.

My Little Guy is 1!

I cannot believe it-officially a toddler.
We had a lovely day yesterday. Osrid Olov opened presents-he got so much stuff! A new outfit, new cloth nappies, a DJ station toy (he is REALLY into making music) with like 80 gazillion sound effects, a cuddly colourful spider with a mirror on the belly, new slippers, and a swim spider (octopus) that he picked out at a shoppe window from Mum & Dad, Grandparents on Dad's side gave him a wooden Xylophone (more music stuff, cool!) and toy cars, uncle Matthew got him a stacking animal toy set, Grandad on my side sent some $ (which no doubt he will blow at the casino when we are asleep), and great grandparents on my side seem to have sent a bit of that too-and we also got some nice cards from everyone. Thanks everybody!

It was raining, as it always seems to in North Cornwall (seriously. EVERY. DAY.), so instead of going to the Newquay aquarium like we had planned we decided to just bundle O.O. up and take him for a walk downtown. It is the first time we have been down there because it is a little bit of a walk away, but it is quite nice. Lots of ships on the quay. The people are very friendly here, which is nice. We all got quite winded at the end of the walk but fortunately some nice people at a seafood restaurant (ironic) called a cab for us.

We did a hand and foot print of Osrid's with carob powder and water-I forgot to buy paint but it is just as well, less of a carbon footprint this way I suppose. Totally nontoxic and Ozzie liked making a mess with it.

I can't help being a bit emotional...it is hard for a mother watching her babe grow. I sort of wish he could stay small forever, he is so sweet and cute and special. <3 Aww, my little boy! Just don't grow up too fast...

Hello, Padstow ~ Goodbye, Looe

We have a new home!

We've relocated to Padstow, Cornwall. A sudden move, yes-but the Cornish Council decided to house us and we weren't exactly going to say no!
We have a gorgeous 2 story, 2br/2ba house with a teeny tiny backyard that has 2 sheds (one of which is reserved to be a fort...yes, a fort.
We have converted the downstairs living room into our bedroom because we like the open-ness, and we are going to create an "imagination room" which will one day be Osrid Olov's room when he decides he is ready for his own bedroom. This will be the YES room-we plan to have nothing in there that's dangerous to play near (I.E. television wires) but only toys and games and everything that CAN be done and played with and imagined. We just have to get this place carpeted...I can't believe they didn't do that for us. D'oh. Oh well, though...it is quite lovely here (minus a few chavs). We're very close to the Tesco's too. We've gone 100% vegan, and for the first time in over 4 years I am starting to feel better...I feel full of life! I've been walking every day and cooking my own food...mostly raw, as well-I'm indexing my recipes, which you can find here. Tonight we had raw creamy corn chowder & cookies. Yummy. Osrid is doing great, he is standing up all on his own now; and...my little boy is having his first birthday in two weeks! He is nearing the end of infancy...onward to toddlerhood. Oh my!