Realisations

I have recently come to a few realisations-things that I knew, perhaps, but did not fully realise and recognise.

I find myself very attracted to negativity; because I yearn so strongly for what is fair and just and wish to correct the injustices in the world. This is, in a sense, a good thing-this yearning for goodness-but much of it also creates within me a great dwelling of negativity which festers and cannot let go of this negativity. My thoughts are consumed with hurt for others who are hurting, and pain caused indirectly to me by people and companies in the world which are hurtful.

This is not to say that I wish to no longer engage in activism. Rather; I want to continue with a new light. I need to not waste my time arguing semantics with people who do not wish to listen. I must send my message clearly and trust that it has been heard. Some people will choose never to hear truth; but that is not a problem that needs to weigh on my shoulders. I must focus on enlightenment-I will inform, and be informed by others-those who do not wish to belong to this process need not fill my thoughts with worry. This is going to be a great challenge, who knows if I will ever get there 100%; but I know I must try to shake this weight in its heavy burden from my heart.

Another realisation I made is that I often feel I do not live inside my body, in the present moment. My mind is always wondering, it seems, no matter what I am doing. Indian philosophy emphasises that the mind and the body are not seperate, they are one entity. I believe this; in my heart of hearts, I KNOW that my mind must live inside my body. I want to think about what I am doing, in any exact moment, and be fully present in that moment. I don't want to be thinking about what I need from the store, how much it angers me that X company hurts the environment, or what I'll make for dinner when I am playing with my son or trying to sleep! What clutter it is, that fills my mind. I want to think about how fun it is racing wooden cars with Osrid, how good it feels to have a cuddle, how exciting it is to combine flavours when I'm making food...I could go on and on, but then I would be doing it right now-lacking in focus for the current moment. I must align my body with my mind, for they are one and the same.

I meditated this morning, and thanked myself for these lessons. It is amazing what can happen when we look inside ourselves.