A birthday has passed...
...and another holiday...
...nagging me at the gaps of time that pass too far between the times I bring myself to update this far neglected blog. There is so much more, though, that I intend to transcribe! It passes so quickly!
Osrid Olov is three, autumn ended, the year-end holiday is over and we have welcomed the winter. Not that it needed welcoming. The winds rush violently outside, at times100 miles an hour or so, and the frost does not knock. No, pours through the mailslot like a flood of cold and hurried whispers, running through the draft under the living room door, climbing the stairs, and placing the friction of its air against the small holes and cracks to make the kind of music that can't be reproduced.
Such as the winter stops for nothing to sing its wild song, change seems to have the kind of velocity that can't be held back. When it is resisted, it happens around us, without us, and in doing so we are moved regardless, no matter how we have tried not to be. I have often found that the more I try to block the winds, the louder they become, somehow. There is always some other way inside, of course. I do not live in an iron home or an iron heart.
I realise that I am being vague, but a lot of things have moved me. My awareness with myself in the world is becoming increasingly vivid.
In such, I grow stronger connected to my own truths. However painful they sometimes may be. I have become a better mother for it, too, I believe.
...and O.O. is improving all the time. I have learned so much, and finally feel like I am seeing him come out the other side of the tunnel. I hear comments all the time over the past couple of months, that he is really blossoming. In full bloom. I set myself a goal to get back to where he was like that day and stay that way and I think that I have done that, even if our lives involve more tedious to-do's than they once did. Having communication, cooperation, a son who is feeling so clearly better is worth anything.
O.O. likes...no, loves...stickers right now, and we have been making lots of pictures. He likes to name them all "bubble". I think that's just his favourite word, though. He can now very clearly direct me to his needs and desires. He points my hand to things and says "dat dere (that there)", or similar. He hasn't got many words yet but every one he gets is a big leap forward, and it gives me hope.
I've connected with a long lost 4th cousin from Russia and am so happy for having a family member that isn't on a different plane of existance. It is so awesome to think of the parallels and hear so many incredible stories and ideas. I can't wait until I can get a 23andme kit for my son too so I can further the family tree and give him the gift someday of these incredible connections, and information about his health.
I am also doing lots of research, when am I not- and going great places. With the help of the remarkable Susan Owens, who I am so grateful to have befriended, and not just for her incredible smarts.
...Oh, and our living room looks completely different, with a new floor and rearranged furniture!
He actually posed for a photo here!!! This has never happened before!!!!
I strive to surrender to what winds rush through, soft or piercing, hot or cold, and become one with their song....and their silence alike.
