Rushing Winds Run Through Our Door...

A birthday has passed...

...and another holiday...

...nagging me at the gaps of time that pass too far between the times I bring myself to update this far neglected blog. There is so much more, though, that I intend to transcribe! It passes so quickly!

Osrid Olov is three, autumn ended, the year-end holiday is over and we have welcomed the winter. Not that it needed welcoming. The winds rush violently outside, at times100 miles an hour or so, and the frost does not knock. No, pours through the mailslot like a flood of cold and hurried whispers, running through the draft under the living room door, climbing the stairs, and placing the friction of its air against the small holes and cracks to make the kind of music that can't be reproduced.

Such as the winter stops for nothing to sing its wild song, change seems to have the kind of velocity that can't be held back. When it is resisted, it happens around us, without us, and in doing so we are moved regardless, no matter how we have tried not to be. I have often found that the more I try to block the winds, the louder they become, somehow. There is always some other way inside, of course. I do not live in an iron home or an iron heart.

I realise that I am being vague, but a lot of things have moved me. My awareness with myself in the world is becoming increasingly vivid.
In such, I grow stronger connected to my own truths. However painful they sometimes may be. I have become a better mother for it, too, I believe.

...and O.O. is improving all the time. I have learned so much, and finally feel like I am seeing him come out the other side of the tunnel. I hear comments all the time over the past couple of months, that he is really blossoming. In full bloom. I set myself a goal to get back to where he was like that day and stay that way and I think that I have done that, even if our lives involve more tedious to-do's than they once did. Having communication, cooperation, a son who is feeling so clearly better is worth anything.

O.O. likes...no, loves...stickers right now, and we have been making lots of pictures. He likes to name them all "bubble". I think that's just his favourite word, though. He can now very clearly direct me to his needs and desires. He points my hand to things and says "dat dere (that there)", or similar. He hasn't got many words yet but every one he gets is a big leap forward, and it gives me hope.

I've connected with a long lost 4th cousin from Russia and am so happy for having a family member that isn't on a different plane of existance. It is so awesome to think of the parallels and hear so many incredible stories and ideas. I can't wait until I can get a 23andme kit for my son too so I can further the family tree and give him the gift someday of these incredible connections, and information about his health.

I am also doing lots of research, when am I not- and going great places. With the help of the remarkable Susan Owens, who I am so grateful to have befriended, and not just for her incredible smarts.

...Oh, and our living room looks completely different, with a new floor and rearranged furniture!

He actually posed for a photo here!!! This has never happened before!!!!

I strive to surrender to what winds rush through, soft or piercing, hot or cold, and become one with their song....and their silence alike.

Friends, love and beach magic!

Well it finally warmed up--and oh, it got HOT fast!! Of course my friends in the States will think I am nuts for being so bothered by the weather here but it feels deadly when you get used to most of the year being so ...brisk... as it is in this little town. I don't know why Padstow seems to have such a unique weather climate to the rest of Cornwall, but aside from living in a kind of crummy neighbourhood, I absolutely do love it here.

Lilla Osrid Olov has made some very dear friends shortly after my last post and me too. There is a woman a few houses down who I have long wished to speak with, always friendly and trying to chat with me, but I am so shy and awkward that I never knew what to say in return. All of this time. I felt so sad, I thought surely she must have believed I hated her as she had stopped saying so much. She must think I am such a snob, I thought! Well, one day I was playing with little O.O. in the park and one of her sons came out and brought a big car out for him to ride in-I don't know why, but it was so sweet, and then he ran back inside.

From then on I started talking to her, and I sort of blurted out something along the lines of how sorry I was that I was so awkward, I had always wanted to be her friend and say hello but I have aspergers and have no idea what to say to folks, and and and and I ..and she gave me a big hug and we have been the great friends ever since! :) Her sons are 6 and 9, so they are a bit older than Osrid Olov, but they love him to bits and they come running out to play with him when they see him and vice versa. We take long walks to the park or here or there or visit and play for hours, they are all so much fun. The boys really understand that O.O. needs gentleness and understanding and are so compassionate towards him, and he makes them laugh with his sweet little dances. There are not many people after all who will dance in joy every time you do something that makes them happy-but, my little boy!

About 2 weeks ago, Osrid Olov told me that he LOVES me! I know this, of course and he has hummed it before (he is good at humming out words he wants to say, hee hee) but hearing him able to verbalise it was incredible. He said "I love you Daddy" to Paul the night before too. Ohhh!!! He has been blowing us kisses all the time too. What a LOVE this boy is. Oh my life.

We had a lovely evening not long after that I still remember because it felt very magical. We had taken a walk and, via a new and very funny little friend, spending a couple of hours playing by the beach along the Camel trail as the sun went down with this lovely Muscovite family on a long holiday through Britain. Their 4 year old boy kept taking my hand and bringing me up upon the rocks to show me snails, and he ran around in big circles with O.O. making huge happy screams. They also had a younger toddler but he was cuddled into his mama. Their Dad was an international businessman and had been many places that I had lived. The 4yo boy could not speak very much English (not that O.O. can either really ;)) so when he wanted O.O.s attention he just screamed with his tremendous voice that happiest of screams. They were just adorable.  I found a huge, perfect seashell dried on the beach and imparted it to audible Pasha to remember us by. Little Osrid Olov fell asleep in the Ergo as I walked home in a warm misty rain-it was wonderful.

We have had some great warm summer nights together with our friends down the road now. It is so nice to have someone close that is awake and open to the world, it seems that far too few people are these days.

Today, we went with O.O.'s grandparents (my in laws-but unfortunately Paul was at work all day, boo) to the beach after grandad installed a brand new curtain upstairs to block out that infernal ball of yucky hot light from shining on us in our sleep. Osrid Olov wasn't feeling quite so great as he had had an accidental allergen exposure the night before and was just cuddled up in my arms the whole time-not that I minded that one bit if I am honest, I just wish he had been feeling more secure because I know how much he enjoys the sand beneath his feet normally. He did have a lot of fun though because he got to go in the ocean for the first time with me. He thought the waves splashing up against us were just as funny as could be and we were laughing, it was lovely. He got cold after not so long, but cheered up after nursing in the sand :) His nan wrote his name on the beach with a x and he loved it, he said "O.O.!" "O.O.!" "O.O.!" as I spelled out the letters "O-S-R-I-D  O-L-O-V, walking through the letters. OSRID OLOV! He loves the sound of his name, just loves it. His face lights up as I spell out OSRID OLOV! What a great idea, grandma! On the way home we talked about how soon his third birthday is creeping up on us and he kept saying "three three three" "three three three" "three three three" in a funny little hummy way, three times in this rhythm. It was so cute. We climbed into a lovely mag sulph. bath when we got home...oh, oh oh the mmmiiinnneraaalllsssss. MINERALS! Miineralllss. MMmMMmmMMmmmm.